Back at the beginning of June I was struggling to breath constantly for a few days, I felt like I was having a constant panic attack, I couldn't catch my breath, My hands were cramping up and I wasn't able to move them, I kept on going dizzy and felt like I was going to faint, My heart was racing and at some points I honestly felt like I was going to die. I shrugged it off for a day or so, thinking it was some kind of chest infection and it would soon go away, But it didn't. After being sent home from work one morning after being there for 10 minutes my boyfriend had seen enough and got me to make a doctors appointment. The next afternoon I went to see my doctor and she knew straight away that I was suffering with extreme anxiety!
I was given pills to take everyday. They stopped me having panic attacks, But they made me feel absolutely awful, I was crying for no reason within minutes of taking them, and even though I didn't feel anxious I wouldn't leave the house unless I really had to! I stayed in all day, everyday, cooped up crying whenever my boyfriend went out. I was a mess! I hated taking the pills and didn't want to rely on them. I was given a 2 month prescription and after 2 weeks I was back at my doctors asking to be took off them. My doctor said no, I was told to finish the prescription and visit her again once I had taken them all. So two months later I was back sitting in front of my doctor again. This time I was told that there was a massive difference in me, I was actually smiling for once and I was very calm. I was given another set of pills and told to take them if and when I needed them. Luckily for me another 2 months later I've only took about 4 tablets. If I feel a panic attack coming on or if I feel exceptionally anxious I'll take a tablet and with 10 minutes I'm fine again.
To this day I have no idea why I went down that horrible depressing road 4 months back. I've suffered with panic attacks for years, but they are always triggered by something, For example my very first panic attack, I remember it like it happened yesterday, but in reality it was over 6 years ago now. I was happily asleep and started to wake up and heard something above me, (you will properly laugh at what I'm about to say now but...) it turns out it was exactly what I feared it was, there were 2 Daddy Long Legs or Crane Flies (whatever you want to call them) flying around by my window. I really can not stress to you how much they terrify me! So basically I ran out of my room screaming took my duvet and went downstairs to sleep, but on the handle of the door downstairs, there was another one of them. I started screaming and crying and had my first panic attack, it was horrible. After that I didn't really have any for years. I had them occasionally when I got overly nervous or upset! But this year they got really bad and I was having them more and more frequently for no reason what so ever. No triggers, no feeling upset or nervous, nothing! Just panic attacks that would happen randomly. Some people think its delayed grief from losing my mam, other people think that, because I am usually so strong and don't let anything get to me, I am letting out hidden feelings now that I am comfortable and happy with my new boyfriend, or maybe its because I've drifted apart from a lot people over the years! I honestly don't have a clue what the trigger was, but I am not going to dwell on it. Nor am I going to let it get to me and hold me back from doing things I love and want to do, like it did a few months back. So basically what I'm saying is, Anxiety doesn't have to take over your life, you can control it. And unlike me, I'm sure people can control it without the use of medication and instead with a lot of willpower and positive thinking. And with the right support and help around you I think anyone can get over illness's like anxiety and depression, I try my best to stay positive now and not worry about things that aren't worth worrying about. And it really does work. I think we are all strong enough to get through anything and I hope someone finds this post useful and helps them out on their path away from anxiety.
Stay strong guys.
Much Love Gemma xo.
