Sunday, 30 December 2012

New Years Resolutions 2013

As its coming to the New Year, I thought I would share with you my resolutions. Like everybody else I make them and within a few days I fail. But here's hoping I do well this time round...

image from HERE

1. First things first, I really want this blog to kick off. I want to start writing more frequent and interesting posts for you guys, also non of my family or friends know about my little slice of the web. So I think its about time I introduced them to what I do when I sit on my laptop for hours on end!

2. Take loads of photos. When I go on a night out countless amounts of drunken photos are taken, but never anything from my daily life. Now I have my own camera I want to start taking pictures of everything I do. So in years time when I'm looking back on the things I've done, I won't just have drunken photos my friends have took, but I'll have my own memories from day to day life.

3. Learn to do the splits. About a year ago I decided to teach myself to do the splits, to help make pole dancing moves look better. I started stretching everyday but after a few weeks I just stopped. In 2013 I'm hoping to finally knuckle down and stretch daily and get them damn splits that I'm dying for!

4. Pamper myself a bit more. I have so many beauty products that have been neglected. I want to get use of the hundreds of face masks I have in my bedroom. I want to take an hour or so to myself every week or even every month to just relax, wind down and make my skin a bit healthier.

5. Lastly, I want to be a bit better with my money, Instead of blowing my wages as soon as I get them. I want to become a bit more organised. Save up for the designer bag I've been eyeing up for months, save for trips and holidays etc. I'm positive if I'm more careful with my money, I'll be able to get so much more use out of it!

So there you go, 5 of my New Years Resolutions. I have so many things I want to accomplish next year. I'm hoping 2013 will be amazing. I want to do a lot more with my life, spend more time with my loved ones and do things I've never done before. And make 2013 the best year yet. Lets hope I do...
Much Love Gemma xo.

Saturday, 29 December 2012

Saturday Questions! 29th December 2012

I've only just realised I was tagged by SparrowMint quite a while back to do this tag so I thought I would do it now, because it looks quite fun. I'm going to try and do this Tag every Saturday 

1. Mood:
I'm currently really looking forward to the new year

2. In what order do you apply your make-up?
Foundation, Concealer, Powder, Bronzer, Blusher, Eyebrows, Eyeshadow, Eyeliner, Mascara, Lipstick or whatever other lip product I decide to wear.

3. What is one thing that made you smile today?

Waking up next to my boyfriend and realising I could stay there instead of getting up to go to work!

4. Current nail polish?
I'm not wearing anything right now I was at work yesterday and haven't got round to painting them.

5. Have you ever had a kiss under the mistletoe?
No :(

6. Current outfit
My pink onesie with white polka dots, and a cupcake on the left hand side.

7. Moment of truth: do you usually drive above the speed limit? 
Shamefully I don't drive, I'm 21 for god sakes, I should have been driving for years :(

8. If you could spend the holidays anywhere in the whole world, where would it be?
Ermm I couldn't imagine being somewhere hot, but if I could take my family and everyone special with me I would love to go to New York or somewhere really snowy :)

9. Do you know any sign language?
I can sign a few things for example I can introduce myself and ask how someone is. And I also know the alphabet in sign, There was a deaf girl in my Beauty Class for a few months so we started to learn to sign so we could communicate, unfortunetly when she left we didn't carry on learning. Im hoping to learn properly sometime soon. The language really does fascinate me!

10. Weekly Goals:
Find an outfit for New Years Eve and spend some more quality time with my family.

If you do this Tag be sure to send me a link I would love to read them.

Much Love Gemma xo.

Friday, 28 December 2012

The Present I've Been Waiting For!

As you may or may not know. I started this blog just so I could have a nosey at my favourite bloggers posts easily. I didn't post a single thing for ages, all this thing was used for was following people and having them all on one place. Then a few months ago I decided to start posting, BIG problem with that idea, I didn't own a camera and my iPhone was long gone (dropped down a toilet months previous, just in case you were curious.) so taking pictures was impossible. What was the point in a blog without pictures?! I really do not know, but I just had this overwhelming urge to start writing my own blog posts so I did it. And ever since I have been dying for Christmas to come round so I could make this blog more interesting for you guys. I asked my dad months back for a camera for Christmas. He loves his cameras so I trusted him to buy me something worthwhile, personally I would have gone into a shop picked out the prettiest camera and buy it, resulting in me owning a useless camera that takes rubbish pictures! 
Thankfully that was not the case. On Christmas morning the first thing I opened was a little box off my dad and this is what I came across

A Samsung ST66. Its such a cute little camera and is actually really good quality. I've only took pictures of my family so far and the quality was really good. So hopefully when I start snapping pictures of beauty products etc for this blog, the quality will be just as good. It even records in HD so YouTube videos could well be in the pipeline! Who knows. 
I know its not the best camera out there, but we don't have the money to spend hundreds on a camera. Especially if I for some reason or another stop blogging and just toss the camera to the side never to be used again. Don't get me wrong if I continue this blog and it becomes a bigger part of my life then yes I'll save up some money for an amazing camera. But for now I think this will do perfectly :) And seeing as my Dad has an awesome camera that cost him about £500, if I do want to take some really high quality photos I'm sure he will lend me it :). 
So from today I am hoping to get as much use out of this little camera as I can and I will posting much better and more frequent posts! Fingers Crossed
I'm really looking forward to seeing what the future holds for my blog now that I have this little beauty to help me. And I hope you come along with me on what could be a really exciting journey (how cheesy do I sound right now?!?!?!!) 
Much Love Gemma xo.

Instagram Post #2

My second installment of what I've been posting on Instagram recently

I had my first mince pie of the year nearly 2 weeks ago, shocking for me as I adore them and usually have a box as soon as they hit the shelves. On the 16th of December me and over 50 other dancers from my pole dancing school preformed in our annual Christmas Show, we all got a medal at the end of the night for all our hard work and dedication. I saw this glittery star decoration in Wilkinsons and had to buy it to go on my tree. Dad bought this beautiful pot wreath to take to the cemetery for my mam. Being a major fan of Lucky Charms I had to have this cereal bar when I found out the American Sweet Stall sold them. Christmas Eve and I finally finished my shopping and wrapped up a ton of presents. I eventually sat down and chilled out at about 10pm, I leave everything til the last minute! Christmas Eve treat for myself, I bought a mini hand food from Soap & Glory after wanting it for years! I was a bit spoilt on Christmas Day, my boyfriend got me a new pair of GHD's (the limited edition Cherry Blossom stylers) and my brother got me the Enrapture Totem Styler. My auntie got me these awesome presents, a rude calender and chocolate bar! And finally another present, my boyfriends Nanna and Grandad bought me a Jack Daniels giftset, I was so pleased with this, I wasnt expecting anything off them, Ive only met them a few times and they bought me the perfect gift :). Quiet night in for Boxing Day, I was at work the next day so me and my boyfriend sat in watching TV all cosy while nearly everyone we know were out drinking. Finally I had my first Terry's Chocolate Orange in years last night. Delicious!!

Dont forget to follow my Instagram to see these pictures as they are posted. gemmaferris91
Much Love Gemma xo.

Sunday, 23 December 2012

Tag: The Winterliscious Tag

Suprise suprise Im back with another Tag, because once again I havnt posted anything for ages. This time The Winterliscious Tag, Louise from SprinkleOfGlitter has recently done a video of this and I decided to copy her in blog form. Its rather similar to my last Tag but I hope you enjoy it non the less.

Favorite Winter Nail Polish?
Ive been wearing, Nails Inc St. James alot recently.

Favorite Winter lip product?
Rimmel Kate Moss lipstick in shade 107

Most worn Winter clothing piece?
My Cameo Rose Skull Jumper.

Most worn Winter accessory?

Its not exactly an accessory but I have been wearing my pink fluffy slippers every single days since I got them. I havnt actually wore scarves or anything recently!

Favorite winter scent/candle?
I love the smell of Cinnamon or anything spicey around this time of year.

Favorite Winter beverage?
Costas Gingerbread Latte. I'll be devastated when they stop selling it.

All time favorite Christmas/Holiday movie?

I don’t have one.

Favorite Christmas/Holiday song?

Either I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday or Do They Know Its Christmas.

Favorite Holiday food/treat?

Mince Pies! I adore them.

What is your favorite Christmas Decoration this year?
I just bought a new star decoration a few days ago I love that and of course the reindeer decorations that I've loved for years (pictures of both are on my Instagram, go follow me gemmaferris91)

What's at the top of your Christmas list?

A camera.

What are your plans for the holidays this year?

I actually don’t know exactly what I’ll be doing, the morning will be the usual opening presents with family, followed by Christmas dinner with my dad and brother. Night time will also be spent with my family having a buffet at my house as usual. And at some point I'm hoping to see my boyfriend. 

Friday, 14 December 2012

Instagram Post #1

After seeing hundreds of these posts dotted around the net I thought I would jump on the bandwagon and make my own. So here's the pictures my Instgram has been blessed with recently.

I'll probably sound extremely spoilt here but the first 3 pictures are of things my boyfriend has bought me recently, when we were out looking for Christmas presents he spotted this jumper in New Look, he knows I love cats so he bought it without hesitation despite me telling him not too! I was in need of a new candle and he suprised me one day by bringing me these Yankee Candles, He told me he was getting me a replacement Glade candle so this was a fantastic suprise :D And lastly I went out for a meal one night with my friend and when I got back he had bought me these gorgeous pink fluffy slipper boots from Tesco! They are so lovely and warm! They've been keeping my usual freezing cold feet toasty since the day I got them! I wasn't sure weather or not to include a pole dancing picture in this post, but seeing as I'm thinking of writing a whole post dedicated to this misunderstood sport I thought I would ease it in gently, this is a rather advanced move called 'The Superman' it requires a lot of strength and hurts like hell the first few times you try it and believe me there is nothing sexy about doing this move! Next up we have recently had an American Sweet Stall open in our local market, I couldn't resist buying some Lucky Charms, I absolutely love them. And finally three Christmassy pictures, I love these glittery reindeer's from Asda that I bought for my Christmas tree about 3 or 4 years ago, they are my favourite decorations EVER. My Make Up area in my bedroom decorated with lights and a small Christmas tree. And lastly my black tree that's in the corner of my bedroom.

Hope you enjoyed this sneak peak into my life. More to come in the future I'm sure!
Much Love Gemma xo.

Saturday, 1 December 2012

Christmas Yankee Candles

I have been eyeing up Yankee Candles for as long as I can remember, they used to be all over blogs and YouTube and I was dying to get my hands on them. But until last week that's all they were, an item on a list stored in my memory, of things I desperately wanted after seeing them online (let me tell you my little brain is storing A LOT of these items!) And to my sheer delight after listening to me bang on about these amazing candles and being dragged into Clinton Cards on numerous times to look at and smell the Yankee Candles they have to offer, my boyfriend surprised me with two small jars :D Cherries On Snow and Christmas Cookie.

please excuse the awful picture quality, i took the picture from my instagram, bad move!

I've only burnt Cherries On Snow so far, but I am very pleased with it. They burn so well and the smell is amazing. I admit the smell doesn't seem to be as strong as my old candle, which was Spiced Apple & Cinnamon from Glade. But what do you expect really? I was pretty much burning an air freshener! I much prefer the Yankee Candle, the smells is a lot nicer, and although its not as strong it is much more kinder on the nostrils, the Glade candles were just too overpowering!
As for the smell, I'm useless at describing scents. The Yankee website describes Cherries On Snow as 'An enchanted, sparkling blend of bright juicy cherries with sweet almonds and an icy freshness' personally I can smell all them things but my rubbish description skills would come up with something along the lines of a mixture between Cherry Soothers and Cherry Bubblegum with a slight hint of almonds. But either way its delicious! I love the smell of Cherries and this does not disappoint. Christmas Cookie literally just smells like cookies baking in the oven, the smell is very sweet and buttery and I cant wait to start burning this later tonight. My boyfriend wouldn't allow me to burn it until December because it has the word 'Christmas' in it! Spoil sport! So it will be going straight on when we go up to bed to watch tv later! I'm hoping the smell is even better as it burns!
Overall I'm really happy with my new candles. Apparently the woman in the shop told my boyfriend the two burnt together will let off a lovely scent so I think I'm going to try that out soon. I have a feeling I will be trying out a lot more of these candles in the future. I think I could well be in love.
Much Love Gemma xo.

Thursday, 29 November 2012

Tag: Christmas :)

Another Tag for you all, thanks to the lovely Chloe from Chloes Way.

found this cute picture on google.

Whats your favourite thing about Christmas?
I love spending so much time with my family over Christmas, although its not the same now without my mam these days :( I love pretty much everything about Christmas really, the songs, the lights, the cute decorations, the wonderful smelling candles that come out at this time of year, the Christmas drinks in Costa etc. And I would be lying if I didn't say I love all the presents too.

Whats you favourite makeup look for the season?
Glitter! I just love glitter at Christmas, glitter eyes and nails :D

Real tree or fake tree?
I've honestly never had a real tree but I love the look of them! When I get my own place I think I'll have to try one because they are beautiful and apparently make your house smell lovely too?! For now I have a black artificial tree in my bedroom and a fibre optic downstairs!

the tree in my room last year

Giving presents or receiving presents?
Of course I love receiving presents but I also enjoy going out buying things for people as well. I love Christmas shopping :) So probably both as much as the others.

Do you open your presents Christmas morning or evening?
Morning. We have had a tradition in my house for as long as I can remember. Me and my brother would go downstairs and open all the presents from under the tree off our parents friends and anyone else that would leave them there, Then through out the day family would visit and bring their presents to us :)

Handmade Christmas cards or bought?
Handmade are lovely but I don't have the time to make them, I just buy them when i get the chance. Think one day I will challenge myself and make them all by hand.

Whats your favourite Christmas Movie?
Honestly? I haven't really seen that many so I don't know.

christmas jumper my boyfriend bought me yesterday! isn't it adorable?!

Christmas is my favourite time of year so I really enjoyed doing this Tag. I'd love to see others so please let me know if you do it :)
Much Love Gemma xo.

Saturday, 24 November 2012

Tag: Beauty Blogger!

Once again, I got bored and searched the net for a tag. And this is what I came across!

1. Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
Its kind of straight but also wavy at the same time :/ sometimes I can leave it as it is, sometimes it needs a bit of help from my straighteners.

2. What is your natural hair color?
Some kind of light mousey brown, I honestly cant remember, I've been dying my hair for that long.

3. Do you dye it yourself or go to a salon?
I dye it myself, although I want my natural hair color back (whatever that might be!) so I've completely stopped with the hair dye.

4. How often do you wash your hair?
Every other day.

5. Do you wear the same style every day or change it?
I like to change it up as often as I can. I wear my hair up a lot for work though.

6. Do you do your own mani/pedi or go to a salon?
I cant wear nail varnish/fake nails on a daily basis because I work with food, so if I decide I want to do anything with my nails I will paint them myself for the weekend.

7. How often to you change your nail polish?
I don't often wear it, so whenever I want.

8. Do you polish your toes in the winter, too or just in the summer?
I always have painted toe nails, it makes up for the lack of polish on my fingernails!

9. How long does it take to put on your makeup?
It depends where I'm going, between 10 - 30 minutes.

10. What do you do first? Face or eyes?
Always my face.

11. Do you "collect" makeup or just buy what you need when you need it?
'Collect' I'm obsessed.

12. How often do you wear false eyelashes?
Not very often at all.

13. Do you do a full face of makeup every day?
Not every single day, again it depends where I'm going/what I'm doing.

14. Do you wear makeup when you are home alone (or with family)?

15. Will you leave the house without makeup?
No not at the moment, I'm going through a 'not stepping over the doorstep without my face on' phase.

16. How many high end products do you have?
A fair few.

17. How often do you wash your makeup brushes?
I'm very lazy when it comes to brush cleaning :/ I know I should do it more often but I just don't get round to it as often as I should do, probably a few times a month.

18. Do you plan your OOTD every night or decide when you are getting dressed?
I throw on whatever. Unless I have somewhere special to go, then I will plan.

19. How often do you change your handbag?
haven't had a new handbag for about 18 months, I need a new one asap!

20. What time do you get up & go to sleep?
I stay up til 12/1 o clock every night. I get up at 8.45 if I have work and on days off anything between 11am and 2pm :/ I like my sleep A LOT.

21. How often & when do you workout?
I go to a pole dancing class once a week ( its nothing sleazy, totally fitness related, no stilettos or intimate body parts in sight! just lots of fun, laughter, strength and fitness building and bruising!) Apart from that I don't do that much, I try to stretch as often as I can because I'm teaching myself to do the splits and sometimes I will do a few exercises at home but nothing too challenging!

22. Left-handed or Right-handed?

23. How tall are you?
I really do not know, a wild guess would be 5foot8

24. Do you speak a foreign language?
I can speak a tiny bit of French

25. How many pets do you have?
I have about 15 tropical fish, that's it.

26. How often are you on Blogger?
Everyday. I don't blog a lot (I've explained why here!) but I do read blogs on a daily basis.

27. Do you read the comments posted blogs?
I've had one blog comment so far :( No one really knows about my blog, as its not really that out there or very interesting, hopefully it will grow with time though. 

28. Do you keep a list of products to try as you see other posts?
I have a very long list of products I want to try thanks to reading blogs.

29. How did you come up with your blog name?
Its just my name :/ maybe I'll change one day who knows.

30. What kind of camera do you use for photographs?
If you've read the post I mentioned before you will know. I don't actually have a camera until Christmas  And I don't have a clue what the camera is that I'm getting. Hopefully it will be good enough to make this blog a lot more exciting and loved!

31. How often do you clean your house? (Daily, weekly, other)
Surprisingly I'm not a big cleaner. Although I do have OCD, I live with my dad so he cleans the house (I of course help as much as I can) and as for my room its very neglected :( When I have my own place, I know for a fact I'll keep it spotless. I cant stand dirty kitchens living rooms etc.

32. What is your favorite color?
Pink and Purple

33. What is your favorite beauty/fashion magazine?
The only magazine I religiously buy is Cosmopolitan. I buy other magazines when the cover/free gift attracts me to it.

34. Do you swear?
All the time :/ I have a foul mouth!

35. What are you doing with the rest of your day?
Its 11.50 at night so I'm off to watch TV in bed with my boyfriend once this is posted. Tomorrow will be a chilled out cuddly Sunday :) I cant wait!

As always I tag everyone to do this. And if you do please let me know so I can have a nosey. I love learning things about people through tags they have done :)
Much Love Gemma xo. 

Friday, 23 November 2012

Tag: 40 Beauty Questions

So out of pure boredom and lack of blog posts I went on a hunt to find a new tag to do. I stumbled across this quite lengthy tag from the wonderful Elle Fowler. Although she posted this a few years back I thought I would give it a go myself today, so here goes :)

How many times do you wash your face daily?
Twice once in the morning and again at night to take all my make up off.

What skin type do you have? (dry,oily,combo)

What is your current facial wash?
Liz Earle Cleanse and Polish.

Do you exfoliate?
Not at the moment no.

What brand do you use?
I'm looking into buying the Liz Earle Gentle Face Exfoliator.

What moisturiser do you use?
At the minute I'm using Simple Spotless Skin Anti-Blemish moisturiser, to get my skin back to normal after break outs from testing a lot of foundations and primers recently. Once I'm satisfied I'm going to try and get 2 decent moisturisers, one for morning and one for night time.

Do you have freckles?
Yes. I used to have a lot more when I was younger though.

Do you use eye cream?
No. I know how important they are though, so I'm looking for a good one (suggestions welcome!).

Do you or did you have acne prone skin?
I get quite a few spots now and again, and as a teenager I broke out a lot, but I wouldn't class it as acne.

Did you ever have to use Pro-activ?

What foundation do you use?
Currently Revlon Photoready, I change foundation A LOT trying to find the perfect one.

How about concealer?
Collection Lasting Perfection

Do you know your undertone color?
I think I have pink undertones.

What do you think of fake eyelashes?
I love them, although I don’t wear them very often

Did you know that you are supposed to change your mascara every 3 months?
Yes all make up has a shelf life. 

What brand of mascara do you use?
Currently I am using Rimmel ScandalEyes Extreme, I really want to try out Benefits They’re Real and also Clinque Bottom Lash

Sephora or MAC?
As I live in England I've got to say MAC because I've never been to Sephora :(

Do you have a MAC Pro-card?
Unfortunately not!

What makeup tools do you use in make up application?

Do you use make-up base/primer for the eyes?
I used my friends Urban Decay Primer Potion once and I loved it. Think I’ll have to buy one for myself.

For the face?
I tried out the MUA one after reading so many good reviews on it but it broke me out! And I used the new Nivea Express Hydration Primer a few days back and that seemed ok, (going to try it out a bit more, before I say anything else about it) Other than that I haven't used any others.

What is your favorite eyeshadow (color or shade)?
I literally have no idea.

Do you use pencil or liquid eyeliner?
I use a pencil everyday on the waterline. And when I put eyeliner on my lid I use a Gel liner, very rarely use liquid anymore.

How often do you poke your eyes with an eyeliner pencil?
Very rarely.

What do you think of pigment eyeshadows?
Amazing colours, but very messy application. I use pressed shadows all the time.

Do you use mineral makeup?
I've never used a mineral make up.

What is your favorite lipstick?
Right now I'm loving the Rimmel Lasting Finish Matte Lipstick by Kate Moss in shade 107

How about lipgloss?
I don’t tend to wear lipgloss very much.

What is your favorite blush to use?
I don’t actually have a favourite blush.

Do you buy your makeup on ebay?
I bought a 72 eyeshadow palette a few years backs but other than that Ive never bought any makeup off ebay.

Do you like drugstore makeup?
Yes I use a lot of drugstore makeup, because I don't have a lot of money. I do love and have quite a lot of high end makeup though and I try and buy it whenever I can.

Do you go to CCO's? (cosmetic company outlets)
No I don't know where any are?!

Did you ever consider taking make-up classes?
I did Makeup as part of my Beauty Therapy course, but I would love to learn more

Are you clumsy in putting on makeup?
Not really no, I tend to try and take my time and put effort into my make up. Unless I have work then I take about 10 minutes to apply my make up.

Name a makeup crime that you hate?
Orange Face, White Neck, need I say more?!

Do you like colorful shades of makeup (lipstick,eyeshadow) or neutral ones?
I love colours put usually stick to neutral eyeshadow or a dark smoky eye. And with lipstick it depends on what shade I fancy wearing and weather it will go with my clothes.

Which celebrity always has great make up?
I love Kim Kardashians make up, shes beautiful

If you could leave the house using just ONE make up item, what would you use?
I literally have no idea!

Could you ever leave the house without any makeup on?
I go through phases, sometimes I hardly ever wear makeup and can always leave the house without it. Right now I'm at the phase where I wont leave the house without my makeup on. I go through these phases constantly, my boyfriend finds it baffling! 

Do you think you look good even without any makeup on?
I suppose I look ok but I look MUCH better with a bit of makeup.

In your opinion, what is the BEST makeup line?
I love soooo many I cant choose.

What do you think of Makeup??
I love it! I would say its a hobby of mine, and a very good hobby at that. Its just so fun and easy and you can create some amazing things with it. 

Feel free to do this tag. And send me a link if you do!
Much Love Gemma xo.

Saturday, 10 November 2012

Tag: This or That

Seeing as its been a while since my last post and I'm sat bored at home while my Boyfriend is out playing Rugby in the pouring rain (muaahahaa, i'm lovely and warm!). I thought it was about time for another tag. This time I'm going to answer the This or That questions. Enjoy!

Q: Blush or Bronzer?

A. Blush. I like a nice flush of pink when Im wearing make up

Q: Lipstick or Lip gloss?
A: This is tricky because I use both an equal amount, I’ll have to say Lipstick

Q: Eyeliner or Mascara?
A: Eyeliner. I hardly ever leave the house without it

Q: Foundation or Concealer?
A: Foundation. I cant stand using just a concealer, its either I use both or just foundation

Q: Neutral or Colour Eyeshadow?
A: Neutral. I very rarely use colour eyeshadow

Q: Loose or Pressed Eyeshadow?
A: Pressed. so much quicker and easier to work with, but I do love the pigmentation of a loose shadow

Q: Brushes or Sponges?
A:  Brushes definitely. I cant remember the last time I used a sponge 

That was so short I'm tempted to find another one and do a second post today! We'll see, I tag anyone that reads this, and if you do it please link me. I would love to read some other peoples answers :)

Thursday, 1 November 2012

Suffering with Anxiety: My Experience!

Back at the beginning of June I was struggling to breath constantly for a few days, I felt like I was having a constant panic attack, I couldn't catch my breath, My hands were cramping up and I wasn't able to move them, I kept on going dizzy and felt like I was going to faint, My heart was racing and at some points I honestly felt like I was going to die. I shrugged it off for a day or so, thinking it was some kind of chest infection and it would soon go away, But it didn't. After being sent home from work one morning after being there for 10 minutes my boyfriend had seen enough and got me to make a doctors appointment. The next afternoon I went to see my doctor and she knew straight away that I was suffering with extreme anxiety!
I was given pills to take everyday. They stopped me having panic attacks, But they made me feel absolutely awful, I was crying for no reason within minutes of taking them, and even though I didn't feel anxious I wouldn't leave the house unless I really had to! I stayed in all day, everyday, cooped up crying whenever my boyfriend went out. I was a mess! I hated taking the pills and didn't want to rely on them. I was given a 2 month prescription and after 2 weeks I was back at my doctors asking to be took off them. My doctor said no, I was told to finish the prescription and visit her again once I had taken them all. So two months later I was back sitting in front of my doctor again. This time I was told that there was a massive difference in me, I was actually smiling for once and I was very calm. I was given another set of pills and told to take them if and when I needed them. Luckily for me another 2 months later I've only took about 4 tablets. If I feel a panic attack coming on or if I feel exceptionally anxious I'll take a tablet and with 10 minutes I'm fine again.
To this day I have no idea why I went down that  horrible depressing road 4 months back. I've suffered with panic attacks for years, but they are always triggered by something, For example my very first panic attack, I remember it like it happened yesterday, but in reality it was over 6 years ago now. I was happily asleep and started to wake up and heard something above me, (you will properly laugh at what I'm about to say now but...) it turns out it was exactly what I feared it was, there were 2 Daddy Long Legs or Crane Flies (whatever you want to call them) flying around by my window. I really can not stress to you how much they terrify me! So basically I ran out of my room screaming took my duvet and went downstairs to sleep, but on the handle of the door downstairs, there was another one of them. I started screaming and crying and had my first panic attack, it was horrible. After that I didn't really have any for years. I had them occasionally when I got overly nervous or upset! But this year they got really bad and I was having them more and more frequently for no reason what so ever. No triggers, no feeling upset or nervous, nothing! Just panic attacks that would happen randomly. Some people think its delayed grief from losing my mam, other people think that, because I am usually so strong and don't let anything get to me, I am letting out hidden feelings now that I am comfortable and happy with my new boyfriend, or maybe its because I've drifted apart from a lot people over the years! I honestly don't have a clue what the trigger was, but I am not going to dwell on it. Nor am I going to let it get to me and hold me back from doing things I love and want to do, like it did a few months back. So basically what I'm saying is, Anxiety doesn't have to take over your life, you can control it. And unlike me, I'm sure people can control it without the use of medication and instead with a lot of willpower and positive thinking. And with the right support and help around you I think anyone can get over illness's like anxiety and depression, I try my best to stay positive now and not worry about things that aren't worth worrying about. And it really does work. I think we are all strong enough to get through anything and I hope someone finds this post useful and helps them out on their path away from anxiety.
Stay strong guys.
Much Love Gemma xo.